


I felt the world sigh

by Daytonagirl8991



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Always Female Castiel (Supernatural), BAMF Castiel (Supernatural), Castiel (Supernatural) Whump, Castiel struggles with being human, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Emotional Hurt, Emotionally Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Fallen Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Female Castiel (Supernatural), Homeless Castiel (Supernatural), Human Castiel (Supernatural), I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Nurse Castiel (Supernatural), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Homelessness, Sassy Castiel (Supernatural), Single Parent Castiel (Supernatural), Will have triggers later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2020-07-09 19:44:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19893304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daytonagirl8991/pseuds/Daytonagirl8991
Summary: Random plot bunny took hold of my brain:Almost a year and a half after Castiel was kicked from the bunker, the Winchesters find her while on a case in Indiana. But a lot has changed in that time and  how will the boys react when they find out some of the secrets Cas has been hiding.





	1. Chapter 1

It is a shock to Dean to see Castiel again. It had been almost sixteen months since the day that Dean had sent Cas away from the bunker after the Fall. He hadn’t wanted to, but Ezekiel – who Dean now knows was an angel named Gadreel- was holding Sam hostage and had forced Dean to kick Castiel out of the only shelter she had.

It had been six months since they had forced Gadreel from Sam’s body. When Sam had learnt about Gadreel, he had promptly stopped speaking to Dean and would have kick Dean out of the bunker except Sam didn’t feel like Dean should have to struggle to survive life on the streets. 

When Dean had confessed the truth behind Cas’s absence, Sam had seriously considered fratricide. But instead, Sam had turned his attention to trying to find Cas. He had looked in homeless camps, shelters, and soup kitchens across Kansas; to no avail.

A couple workers in a soup kitchen in Salina had thought they had recognized Cas from the photo Sam showed them. But they said that it had been months since they had seen her. And when Cas’s phone went from simply ringing through to her voicemail to being out of service, Sam solemnly turned his efforts to any Jane Does in area morgues. But even that had turned up nothing.

Neither brother wanted to admit that it is very likely that Cas is probably dead somewhere, but that seems to be their unspoken consensus. So, when Dean had found Cas at a library in Lafayette Indiana, he had originally believed that he was seeing things.

He and Sam had come to the college town for a case. Michael Lambert had been missing for nearly four days and when his body had been found, it was clear that he had been mercilessly tortured. His innards were ripped out of him. His girlfriend and their child are still missing, and the brothers hope that it is a sign that they may still be alive. 

Looking into the victim’s background, they had found that the dude had been a grade A douche bag. He had a history of abusing his girlfriend, and kid. Even when she was pregnant. 

Coming up with nothing on what type of creature did this, the two brothers are looking into the library archives for any clues that what they are dealing with might have happened in this town before. They find three other cases that might be part of the pattern. And the brothers almost put it down to a trickster, except that instead of a prankster type death, the victims are tortured.

The only common denominator for the cases were none of the victims would be named parents/significant other of the year. Their families had been neglected and abused by them for years.

Dean had gone in search of the men’s room when he had walked past a small studying room. And sitting at the only occupied table in the room was none other than Cas. She is sitting at a table surrounded by books. A notebook is open in front of her where Cas is taking notes of whatever she is reading in her thick books.

She looks mostly the same as what Dean remembers, but the differences stick out like a sore thumb. She had ditched the dirty hoodie and pants she had been wearing when she had left the bunker and is dressed in a pair of black pants and a pale pink shirt. Her hair is longer now and smoothed back into a ponytail.

Standing in the doorway to the room Dean watches as Cas continues to flip through the largest, almost dictionary size, book in front of her before returning to making notations in the notebook in front of her.

Deciding to let his presence known, Dean enters the room.

“Hey Cas.”

Upon hearing his voice, Cas drops the pen that she is using. She looks up from the books and the look on her face is reminiscent of someone who had just seen a ghost.

“What are you doing here?” Cas asks as she seems to find her voice.

“I thought you’d be glad to see me.” Dean says as he approaches the table. He tried to sound casual, but his heart is pounding at seeing the woman he had been in love with for almost six years sitting before him.

“How did you find me?” Cas asks as she retrieves the pen that she dropped. Her eyes narrowed and a scowl had formed on her face. She is edgy, as if waiting for the right moment to make a break for it. In fact, she subtly began to pack her books into her backpack.

“Sam and I are working a case. We didn’t know you would be here. What are you doing here? Are you ok?” Dean asks as notices Cas’s short demeanor. Not that Dean doesn’t deserve it- the cold shoulder attitude, the sass. He knows he had to have hurt Cas by sending her away from the bunker. But hopefully he’ll be able to apologize to her.

“Yes, I’m ok. Are you here to change that?” Cas says, and her response set off alarm bells in Dean’s mind.

“What are you talking about, Cas?” Dean asks as he sat down at the vacant chair beside Cas.

He knows it was a dick move to kick Cas out of the bunker. Especially after the shift their relationship had taken before he had to turn his back on her. But he had no choice with Gadreel holding Sam hostage. When he had kicked Cas out, he had consoled himself that Cas had always been fine in the past when she had left them. He had hoped that would still be true even though Cas had fallen.

“I’ve made a life for myself here. I don’t want you to ruin that.” Cas states, the venom in her voice though is unmistakable.

“I don’t want to ruin your life here, Cas.” Dean states, and he does mean it. But there is something he has been wanting to do since the day he had to kick Cas out. 

“I want to apologize for kicking you out of the bunker. It was hard for me to do that to you, but I had no choice….” Dean cuts himself off when Cas abruptly gets up from the table and shoulders her backpack. “Where are you going?” Dean asks, slightly annoyed that Cas would leave in the middle of him trying to apologize.

“I don’t have to listen to you try to explain how ‘hard’ it was for you to throw me out of the only shelter I had. I’m sorry but I do not find your apology sincere when you have no idea what has happened to me in the last fifteen and a half months. So, I would appreciate it if you didn’t apologize to me when you’re just trying to console yourself. Now if you’ll excuse me, I must be going.” With that Cas left the study room and all but ran from the Library.

Dean got up to follow her but before he could he noticed Cas had left behind the notebook she had been writing in before Dean had bothered her. Picking it up, Dean couldn’t help but open it. Inside the front cover, in Cas’s handwriting, is contact information. Dean hoped that it is correct as it is his only means of maybe finding Cas again. 

Numbly Dean makes his way back to the table where Sam is still sitting; diligently reading through the dusty archives. Sam barely glances up at Dean as he sits down in the chair across the table from him.

“I’m coming up with nothing in the archives to indicate what we might be dealing with.” Sam says as he finally glances up at Dean. He must have noticed something in Dean’s expression, because he asks: “What’s the matter with you?”

“I found Cas.” Dean explains. Sam immediately perks up at Dean’s statement.

“She’s here? Is she ok?” Sam asks. It is clear that Sam is ready to get up and see Cas himself.

Ever since Gadreel had been expelled from Sam, he had been worried about Cas. And as the weeks went on, he had taken more and more of the blame on himself. Even though it hadn’t truly been Sam’s fault Cas had been kicked out, Dean had bore most of the responsibility for that; Sam had convinced himself that if Dean had allowed him to die; Cas would’ve been able to stay with Dean.

“She left the library when I approached her. She was pretty pissed off with me.” Dean explains.

“Can you blame her? But we have to go after her.” Sam says as he gets up from the table.

“I looked for her, but she’s gone.” Dean says. He lays the notebook on the table. “She did leave this though. It has contact info on the inside cover.”

Sam sits back down at the table and pulls the notebook over to him to look at the information that is neatly written in what is unmistakably Cas’s handwriting. The first thing Sam noticed is the name written at the top of the page. Stating the obvious, Sam says:

“Kiera Porter. That must be the alias that Cas has been using.”

“How in the world did she come up with that name?” Dean wonders.

“Beats me. She might have heard the name traveling here and decided to use it. Bigger question is how did she even get here? We’re almost 700 miles from the bunker.” Sam says, having mapped the distance from the bunker to the library on his phone.

“I guess we’ll just have to ask her when we find her place.” Dean says.

“I don’t think she lives very far from here.” Sam says, still staring at his phone. “This address is less than a quarter-mile away.”

Sam showed Dean the map on his phone and sure enough it was only a couple blocks from the library.

“Think she’d be ok with us stopping by to visit a friend.” Dean says, clearly being sarcastic but Sam answers him anyways. But he does need to see where Cas is living. He has to see that she has enough food and a safe place to sleep.

“Let’s hope Cas doesn’t have a weapon handy when she answers the door. Luckily she doesn’t have her ability to smite you or you might be a large grease stain right now.” Sam argues back. He doesn’t think it would be a good idea to chase Cas down, since she had left the library just to avoid seeing Dean. 

“We can ask her if she might know what this thing is that we’re dealing with.” Dean suggests.

“And hope Cas won’t send your ass out on a snipe hunt.” Sam points out.

Although he honestly couldn’t blame Cas if she did just that. Dean would actually deserve it if Cas sent him out on a wild goose chase. Sam just hopes that Cas might spare him if Cas decided to get revenge on throwing her out over a year ago. 

With those thoughts in mind, Sam follows Dean out to the Impala for the short drive to the address Cas had written in her notebook.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean didn’t know exactly what he had expected when they arrived at the address Cas had written down in her notebook. But he knows exactly what he had feared. He had worried that they would find that Cas was living in some filthy, vermin-infested shithole.

Instead, the address is to a large old house on the tree-lined main street. The three-story house is set on the corner a few blocks from the courthouse and across the side street is a church. The house had probably once been a single-family home that had been converted into apartments.

Parking in the small parking lot next to the building, the two brothers exit the Impala and head towards the stone-front porch. As he walked, Dean noted that the house even had several small flower beds surrounding it.

“Can I help you, boys?” Came a voice from the front porch. Looking up, they notice that an elder lady is sitting on the front porch, in a rocking chair, doing some kind of needlework.

Sam seems to get his voice first after being startled by the creepy old lady. Pouring on the manners, he says:

“Yes, Ma’am. We’re friends of Kiera Porter. Does she live here? This is an address we were given for her.”

The old lady doesn’t pause her needlework but says:

“She does. But she’s not home.”

Dean wonders if the old lady really knows if Cas is home or not. Or did Cas tell her not to tell them that she was home? Deciding to speak up, Dean asks:

“Do you know when she will be home? It’s really important that we find her.” Dean says. It comes out harsher than what he probably intended it to be. But he has been looking for Cas for months to the point that he had believed her to be dead. And now that he knows where she is, Granny Clampett is trying to block him from seeing her.

Granny isn’t fazed by Dean’s tone though. In fact, she looks up at him over her glasses like she is about to tell him to pick a switch.

“Young man, Kiera normally doesn’t get home for another couple of hours. And if you’re here to cause problems for her, I will not hesitate to call the police to have you removed from the property.”

Before Dean can open his mouth, to undoubtedly cause even more trouble, Sam says: “Thank you. We’ll try catching her later.”

With that, Sam grabbed Dean by the front of his shirt and all but drags Dean to the Impala. Once they reach the car, Sam practically shoves Dean into the passenger seat before getting in on the driver's side.

“What the hell, Sam? Why’d you drag me back to the car? We know Cas has to be home.” Dean says as Sam starts the car.

“We don’t really know for sure that Cas came home from the Library. And all you were going to do is agitate the old lady into calling the cops on us.” Sam argues back.

“Where else is she going to go, Sammy? She fled the library because she didn’t want to see me. She’s going to go home. Especially since it is so close.” Dean points out, and Sam has to admit that Dean is probably right.

“That might be true. But we still don’t need some paranoid old lady getting suspicious of us. So until we know Cas is in there, we need to keep a low profile.” Sam says as he shifts the car in reverse and backs out of the parking lot.

Dean thought that Sam might head back to their motel to do more research on the monster they're hunting, but instead, Sam parks the Impala in a parking lot down the street that has a clear view of Cas’s house.

Dean was just about to get out to get the binoculars from the trunk. But before he could move: a small, white SUV park in the same parking space that they had been parked in mere moments ago.

As they watched, a young woman with dark hair got out of the driver’s side and went to the rear door. From a distance, the woman almost looked like Cas. In fact, Dean would have sworn that it was her if it hadn’t been for the fact that this woman is wearing scrubs, not the clothes that Dean had seen her wearing less than an hour ago.

She spends several minutes doing something in the back seat of her car before she emerged carrying a baby on her hip and what is probably a diaper bag on her other shoulder.

She walks up to the front porch, but instead of going inside it looks like she rings a doorbell. Minutes later, the brothers could tell that the woman is talking to someone. But whoever it is, they are staying out of the brothers’ line of sight. They can see the screen door open and the person inside the house steps out. And are only mildly surprised that it’s Cas.

The two women talk for a few more minutes before Cas takes the baby and the bag from the other woman and goes back inside. The woman Cas was talking to follows her inside the house and emerges a few minutes later carrying some type of baby equipment which she loads into the back of her SUV and left.

Inside the Impala, the brothers watched the scene in almost a state of shock. The idea of Castiel, Angel of the Lord, caring for a child is such a foreign concept that it takes a few minutes for their brains to process it.

“What just happened? Did I really see Cas take a baby inside her house, or have we entered the twilight zone?” Dean asks incredulously.

“She could be babysitting to make some extra cash,” Sam suggests.

And while it seemed like a logical argument; something about Cas’s body language in handling the baby told Dean otherwise. She had been too comfortable carrying the kid. So, if she did babysit, she does it frequently.

“But why would the mom be taking baby stuff with her instead of leaving it for Cas?” Dean points out. 

“One way to find out. Are we going to go up there or not?” Sam asks when it is clear Dean isn’t going to move on his own.

“Dude, she’s pissed at me. She won’t talk to me if I go to the door. She might talk to you though.” Dean says clearly suggesting that Sam should go talk to Cas alone.

“Coward,” Sam says as he snatches up the notebook and begins walking towards Cas’s house.

Once he reaches the door, Sam rings the doorbell and waits to see if Cas will answer the door. After several minutes of waiting, Sam begins to wonder if Cas somehow knows who is at the door and decided not to answer it.

He had just turned around to head back to the Impala when he hears the lock sliding out of place and the door open.

“Sam?” Came the familiar voice behind him; causing him to stop in his tracks and turn to face their former angel.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those that have posted comments and given kudos, I give my deepest thanks.
> 
> I'm honestly getting discouraged on this story. So those reading it, please leave feedback (Good or bad) that way I know whether to keep going or not.

_“Sam?” Came the familiar voice behind him; causing him to stop in his tracks and turn to face their former angel._

For some reason, Sam had expected to see Cas as she had always looked, in a suit and trench coat, hair wild. But instead Cas is wearing a normal pair of black track pants and a light pink to that has an embroidery pattern around the neck. And when she steps out onto the porch, Sam notices that she’s barefoot. In all, she looks like a normal woman.

And Sam takes it as a good sign that Cas doesn’t look like she wants to smite him. She looks slightly confused that he is there actually.

“What are you doing here?” Cas asks.

“You forgot this at the library,” Sam says as he holds out her notebook.

“Thank you. I worried that I wouldn’t get it back when I realized it wasn’t in my backpack.” Cas says as she takes the notebook back. “But I also thought that it would be Dean banging on my door.”

“He knows you’re angry at him. I know what he did, and I know you have every right to be angry at him. But I know he regrets-.” Sam tries to explain, but he’s cut off by Cas.

“Don’t apologize for him, Sam. As I told Dean, I don’t want an apology. Especially one where Dean has no idea what the consequences of his actions were for me. Simple words won’t change what I’ve been through.” Sam could have sworn that he could see tears gather in Cas’s eyes. But she pushes on.

“And I don’t need someone to tell me that my feelings are justified when they really don’t know what those feelings are.”

Before she could say anything more the baby monitor in her hand lit up and the sounds of a crying baby could be heard.

“I have to go,” Cas said as she turned to go back to the door to go back inside.

But in her haste to get back to the baby, she had forgotten to close the front door behind her. Seeing the opportunity, Sam entered the house and was only mildly surprised that it went into and entryway and not Cas’s apartment. There is a steep staircase that led to the second floor that Cas is currently going up. Following Cas up the stairs, Sam enters the tiny apartment that Cas calls home. 

Cas looks surprised that Sam had followed her upstairs. But she doesn't demand him to leave. so Sam will take it as a sign that he is allowed to stay for now. 

The first thing that stood out to Sam, besides the tiny size of the place, is just how clean the apartment is.

The doorway led into the living area. The room had a small couch and a cheap-looking table that serves as a coffee table. There is a small tv that sits on a stand in the corner. The coffee table is piled down with books and notebooks in a way that reminds Sam of days at Stanford, studying for finals.

The kitchen area is definitely dated, with cabinets and appliances from the 80s, but it is functional and impeccably clean. Cas even had a stackable washer and dryer unit to be able to do her own laundry.

And over by the windows, where Cas heads, is the baby. The baby is in a baby toy that allows it to stand. When the baby realizes that Cas is back, it begins to jump and make grabby hands at Cas; fat tears stream down the baby’s chubby cheeks. 

“What’s the matter, Alyvia? Did you realize that you weren’t the center of my attention for a few minutes?” Cas asks as she picks up the baby. The baby quiets as Cas bounces her slightly.

“Alyvia has attachment issues. She wants her Mommy all the time.” Cas says slightly exasperated while tickling the baby, earning several squeals of laughter from her.

“She’s yours?” Sam asks when he is able to form words again. Now that the baby had stopped crying, Sam could see the resemblances between Cas and the baby. The baby had Cas’s blue eyes and her dark, wispy locks were only slightly lighter than Cas’s. 

“Yes. She’s mine. I found out that I was pregnant a few months after I- I left the bunker.” Cas admitted.

Sam wondered how well Cas is supporting herself and the baby. Her tiny apartment is fairly bare, and he worries that Cas might be struggling to navigate learning not only how to be human but also being an adult with the responsibilities that she clearly has. 

So many questions are running laps through Sam’s mind that he is having trouble deciding which ones to ask.

He wants to ask about her pregnancy, did she know who the father was? Had Cas had been taken advantage of? Could she have even been raped? While he didn’t think Cas was weak as a human, he knows her small statue could be overpowered by a man, especially if she had been in a vulnerable position, such as not having a safe place to sleep.

He wanted to ask about the time since leaving the bunker, how did she get to Indiana? Is she struggling financially? and did she have everything her and the baby needed to survive? But he finally decided that the past really didn’t matter, and questions about it would probably cause Cas to shut down.

So, he finally decided to ask: “Are you really doing ok?”

“Yeah. It has been…” Cas pauses before correcting herself “is – hard. But things are working out now.”

She can tell that Sam isn’t convinced that she is doing ok. So, she adds: “Alyvia and I were able to get this apartment six weeks ago. Through a community center, I was able to get my GED and training to become a CNA. I’m working at a local hospital, in mostly the pediatric and nursery wards. I’ve started taking classes to get my LPN certification. That’s why I needed my notebook, it has my study outlines in it.” 

“That’s great, Cas. I’m really proud of you.” Sam said. And he meant it. Cas had gone from knowing nothing of humanity; to being a single mom, working in a hospital and going to school to improve herself.

“You should probably go. Otherwise, Dean will be kicking down the door any minute.” Cas says as she notices what time it is getting to be. “And I need to feed Alyvia. She will be wanting to nurse soon.”

He surprises her by moving forward and wrapping his arms around her in a brotherly hug. It is slightly awkward with her baby in her arms. Cas didn’t return the hug, but Sam feels like she would have if her arms weren’t full of her squirming infant.

“It was good to see you Cas. I’ve missed you and I’m glad you’re ok. I’ve been worried.” Sam murmured, as his hand rubbed up and down her back.

With that, Sam pulled back and turned towards the door. He did glance back at Cas as he grabbed the doorknob. He didn’t want to leave her alone, but he will respect the fact that Cas doesn’t seem to want to see Dean. So, he will leave her be.

When he closes the door downstairs, he notices that it locks behind him. He is mildly surprised that the Impala is parked on the street in front of the house. Dean leaning against it, a scowl on his face at being left out.

“So, how is she?” Dean asks, and while the question is casual there is an impatient tone to his voice.

“She seems to be doing ok,” Sam says as he walks around the front of the car to get to in on the passenger side. Dean also gets in and starts the engine. “The apartment is tiny, and she doesn’t have much in the way of material possessions that I could see, but it was clean, and she has the basics...” 

Dean didn’t want to admit that his knuckles are turning white on the steering wheel. He didn’t want to know that Cas just had the basics. She really deserved more. But he is still grateful that Cas at least has that. He had too many nightmares that featured Cas cold and starving on the streets.

“She said she works at a hospital of all places.” Sam continues on, and Dean realizes that he had missed a chunk of Sam’s monologue. “She’s even in Nursing school. Our Cas, a nurse. In a way it makes sense, but it is still a hard thing to imagine.”

“And that baby?” Dean asks wanting to know about Cas’s connection to the kid since he had seen Cas hold it on the front porch.

“It’s Cas’s. She said she found out that she was pregnant a few months after she left the bunker. But she wouldn’t say anything more about where she’s been or what’s happened between here and the bunker.”

And the rock that had taken up residency in Dean’s stomach doubled in size and for good measure decided to do flips. While he tried to tell himself that there was a chance that Cas had gotten pregnant after he had kicked her out of the bunker. The little voice in his head argued that it was just as likely, more so in fact, that when Cas had been kicked out: she had been pregnant with his baby. 

He needed answers and he needed them now.

As Dean drives away from Cas's place, he is already forming a plan to return and try whatever he had to do to get Cas to talk to him. 


	4. Chapter 4

It’s close to 9 pm when Dean returned to Cas’s apartment. He and Sam had gotten dinner and he had dropped Sam off at the motel for an evening of research. He had claimed that he wanted to find a bar and left. Dean knows that Sam knew what his plans really were, but wisely chose to not try to talk Dean out of them.

Dean looks at the house as he parks out front. He notes that while the downstairs is dark; the windows above the porch were lit up. Sam had said Cas lived upstairs, so Dean is hoping that it is a sign that Cas is still awake. Although, she is probably putting the baby -Alyvia, Sam had said her name is, to bed.

Dean tries to imagine Cas, his former warrior Angel, rocking her baby to sleep. He suddenly wonders if Cas read books or sings lullabies to Alyvia to put her to sleep. Suddenly, Dean wanted to know how Cas was as a mother. He wanted to know about Alyvia.

Getting out of the car, Dean walked up onto the porch and to the door that he had seen Sam enter earlier. Ringing the doorbell, Dean waits to see if Cas will answer the door.

It takes a few minutes, but he hears someone turn the bolt lock on the door. The door opens to reveal Cas standing in the entryway. Cas is clearly winding down for the night as she is in pajama pants and an oversize Henley shirt. Her long hair is damp, and her skin is slightly pink like she had just gotten out of the shower.

“Dean, what are you doing here?” Cas asks. And Dean counts it as a good thing that Cas doesn’t just slam the door in his face.

Dean tries to think up an excuse to be standing on her front porch at 9 pm. Deciding it would probably be best not to lie to her, he says: “I stopped by to see you.”

Cas eyes narrowed slightly. But the head tilt was a dead giveaway that Cas is more suspicious of his motives than angry.

“Why?” Cas asked suspiciously. And Dean is trying to come up with a reason that he could use to get Cas to let her guard down. Deciding to see if Cas would be willing to help with the case, he says:

“Because Sam and I are getting nowhere on this case. And we seriously need some help.”

“So why are you asking me? I’m not an Angel anymore, and I’m not a hunter. So, I don’t understand what use I’d be to you now.” Cas says. and the alarm bells went off loudly in Dean’s head.

Cas isn’t just angry at him. She’s hurt and angry and fed up with Dean jerking her around. But he knows that Cas didn’t want an apology from him. At least until he knows more of what Cas has gone through, so he doesn’t try to apologize right now.

“You are the best resource we have. You have knowledge of every supernatural being out there. And if you can just point us in the direction of what this thing even is, we would greatly appreciate it.” He can see that Cas’s resolve is faltering, so Dean adds:

“We’re working against the clock here, Cas. There are innocents missing. They need help, Cas. And if we can find out what this thing is, we can help them.”

“If you come in, you have to be quiet.” Cas warns as she takes a small step back from the door.

“I’ll be quiet, I promise. Is Alyvia asleep?” Dean asks as he approaches the door.

“Yes. And I’d like it to stay that way for a while. Alyvia is just starting to sleep through the night.” Cas says as she leads the way upstairs.

When Dean entered the apartment, he noticed that Sam was right. The apartment is tiny and sparsely furnished. But it is clean and seems to be well organized. There are several medical textbooks on the coffee table that indicated that Cas was probably studying for her classes before Dean arrived. Cas moved many of the books to stack them on the kitchen counter.

“I don’t have a coffee maker, but I can make some tea.” Cas says as she stands at the kitchen sink.

“Don’t worry about it, Cas. I’m fine.” Dean says as he takes a seat on Cas’s couch. Cas joins him but noticeably keeps her distance on the couch.

“So what is the case?” Cas asks. For a moment, she seems to slip into her ‘Angel problem solver’ mode.

Dean pulls out the notes that Sam had made of the case, as well as the photos of the crime scenes and of the current victims. Cas doesn’t bother looking at the notes or the crime scene photos, but zeros in on the photo of Jennifer Calvin and her four-year-old son, Alexander.

“I know them.” Cas says as she stares hard at the photo she picked up. “AJ was in the hospital for a ‘Fall’ six weeks ago. And they were staying at the women and children’s center a few months ago. Jennifer had planned to take AJ and move to her grandparents' home in Tipton, but CPS was investigating AJ’s fall and Michael was causing problems for her in getting custody of AJ.”

“Sounds like you know them well.” Dean comments. Cas just shrugs and says:

“Sometimes, at the center, we would spend the evenings in the common room and discuss our problems. Many times, it helps to discuss problems when they get overwhelming. “

But Dean is too busy doing the math in his head. And if Cas had been at this center ‘a few months ago’, she had possibly been homeless when she had had Alyvia. Dean had assumed that since Cas had an apartment, that things had been going ok for her. But now reconsiders that as a new wave of guilt hit him.

When she fell, he had taken her into the bunker and promised to get her, her own things, that he would help her learn to be human. And that first night, he had confessed the feelings he had harbored for her for all these years. 

He had not just had sex with her, he had made love to her. The type where you took time to engage in foreplay and slowly having sex, making sure that both are enjoying it. And when it was over, he had held Cas the rest of the night and exchanged tender kisses until Cas had fallen asleep in his arms.

Then the next morning, he had dropped the bomb on her of telling her that she needed to leave. And Cas hadn’t questioned it, she had simply left. Her lack of self-worth had made her not ask Dean why she had to leave. She had left with a backpack with a measly hundred dollars, some beef jerky and crackers, a single change of clothes, and a prepaid cell phone and its charger. 

It had been nothing. He had done nothing for her. He had convinced himself that it had to be this way. And he didn’t look for Cas because at first, he had been afraid that the angel inside of Sam would leave and Sam would die. He had chosen Sam’s life over Cas’s. He is afraid to admit that he really doesn’t know what Cas had been through since the day that he had told her to leave.

But before Dean can even attempt to say anything, Cas had moved her attention to the crime scene photos.

“I’ve seen this before. It’s a Svengali. A creature of Gaelic origin. It is like an incubus, djinn, and trickster combined. It feeds on its male victims and the female victims will be put in a coma-like state where they will live out a fantasy life while the Svengali will rape them. It typically chooses women who have been abused, because they are less likely to resist the fantasy. And the male victims are normally the abusers. The Svengali will torture the male victims because it enjoys putting them through their own abuse.” Cas explains as she looks at the crime scene photos.

“So what happens to the kid?” Dean asks.

“If the Svengali doesn’t kill them, he might let them go. Often, children are taken to add to the pain the torture victim is put through.” Cas says.

“The female victim, Jennifer, is she still alive?”

“She should be. But the only way to end the coma is to kill the Svengali.” Cas explains

“So how do find and kill this thing?” Dean asks, knowing that he has to find a way to kill this thing.

“The Svengali can be found in ruins. An abandoned warehouse or factory would probably be the best place to look. It is relatively easy to kill. Just any wound to the heart should do it.”

Before Cas can say anything more, the sound of a baby fussing can be heard in the next room.

“I need to attend to Alyvia. She probably needs to be changed.” Cas says as she gets up from the couch.

When Cas goes into the other room, Dean takes the opportunity to snoop around in the apartment. Dean moves into the kitchen and opens some of the cabinets. Dean finds that they are pretty bare and the selections of food are also lacking in variety.

In a drawer in the kitchen, Dean finds a packet of WIC vouchers; several envelopes that are labeled for different monthly payments; and a few business cards for various caseworkers. He had figured that Cas had to have been receiving some help, but to actually see proof of that is an entirely different story.

He wandered over to the doorway where Cas had gone to; he wanted to see the baby. Peeking into the room, Dean finds that the room, like the rest of the apartment, is tiny; only large enough for a full-size bed in one corner and the baby’s crib and changing table. Cas is standing at the changing table, expertly changing the baby’s diaper.

“So this must be Alyvia.” Dean says as he stands at the doorway to the room. “With those eyes and thick hair: She’s definitely yours.”

Cas doesn’t say anything, just finishes her task of changing the diaper and wrapping it in a disposal bag and puts it in the diaper pail. Cas then picks Alyvia up and settles her against her chest.

Looking closer at the baby that is resting against Cas’s shoulder, Dean asks the question that has been lingering in the back of his mind since he learned that Cas had a baby.

“Cas, is Alyvia mine?”

Cas pauses a moment too long before she says quietly: “No, she’s not.”

Glancing at the clock that hangs on the wall, she adds: “You should probably go. I need to get Alyvia back to sleep and leave for work at 6 in the morning.”

Dean wants to argue; wants to challenge what he is certain is a lie from Cas. But he doesn’t want to fracture the fragile peace that has existed between them tonight. So he leaves the apartment as Cas wishes. But as he does so, Dean is already planning to be back early in the morning. 

But for now, he needs to tell Sam what Cas had said about the creature they’re hunting. As he heads to the Impala, he is unaware of the figure in the shadows, watching him walk to the Impala.


	5. Chapter 5

The sun is just starting to rise the next morning when Dean returns to Cas's apartment. Cas said she had to leave for work at 6:00 am, so Dean thought he could at least offer her a ride to work as he doesn't know how Cas gets to and from work.

It is just before 6, when Dean sees Cas leave the house. She has Alyvia in a stroller and is dressed in scrubs. Cas had just gotten Alyvia and her stroller on the sidewalk when Dean honks the horn to get Cas's attention, as he had to park down the street from Cas's house.

Cas turns to face the Impala, and it is clear that she is confused as to why Dean is back at her home.

"What are you doing here? I told you everything I could about the Svengali." Cas says. And Dean noted that she was back to being guarded. Dean notices that Cas’s eyes keep darting down the street, as if waiting for something.

"Waiting for something?" Dean asks, noting Cas looking down the street for about the third time in less than a minute.

"The bus." Cas says. "It's normally here by 6:15 and I have to be at the stop if I'm going to be able to drop off Alyvia at her daycare and make it to work on time."

"I can give you a ride." Dean offered.

Cas's eyes wandered again down the street before she finally said: "Ok, I appreciate it."

It takes several minutes for them to get Alyvia’s car seat strapped into the backseat of the Impala. But eventually they get her settled, and the stroller loaded in the trunk. As he drives, Dean follows Cas’s directions to Alyvia's daycare center. Once they arrive, Dean gets the stroller out of the trunk while Cas gets Alyvia and her car seat out of the backseat.

Cas gets the stroller unfolded and gets the car seat positioned onto the stroller. Dean marvels at how skilled Cas is in handling the baby equipment. But then again, she has had months of raising Alyvia on her own to learn these skills. 

Without realizing it, Dean shoulders the diaper bag to help Cas in dropping off Alyvia. Cas raises an eyebrow to the fact that Dean not only shoulders the bag but also follows her as she pushes the stroller towards the entrance to the daycare.

The daycare has a secure entry, so Cas presses a key fob that she has on her keychain to a sensor by the door to unlock it. It is almost a comfort that Alyvia is in a secure daycare when Cas is working. Even though Cas had said Alyvia isn’t his, Alyvia is Cas’s and that means that Dean wants to protect her.

Dean follows Cas inside the daycare where she stops at a counter where a young woman is sitting.

“Hi Kiera. Dropping off Alyvia?” The woman greets them as they approach the counter. It takes a few minutes for Dean to realize that the woman is talking to Cas as he isn’t used to hearing Cas’s alias. 

Cas nods as she says: “Hello Jessica. I work until 2 today so I will be picking her up.”

Dean watches as Cas signs a clipboard on the counter; designating the time she is dropping off Alyvia. The lady at the counter presses a button to activate the door to go down a hallway leading to what is probably individual classrooms.

Dean follows Cas down the hallway to a room that is painted with various colored circles. The room is also set up for caring for infants. Cas took the diaper bag from Dean and puts it in the basket on the underside of the stroller.

Inside the classroom is a couple of workers. They both greet Cas, again calling her ‘Kiera’ and Dean is really beginning to wonder where she had come up with her alias. The workers raise eyebrows at Dean and are probably wondering just who the hell he is. Cas gently extracts Alyvia from the stroller as one of the workers comes over to take Alyvia from Cas.

Alyvia was grasping onto the front of Cas’s shirt. It was clear that Alyvia didn’t want her mother to leave. Cas gently extracts her shirt from the baby’s tiny fists. Alyvia fusses a bit as she is passed to the caretaker. Cas presses a gentle kiss to Alyvia’s head and says:

“I’ll be back after work. Miss Kim is going to read books.” Cas says.

Amazingly, that seems to get the baby’s attention and Alyvia settles into the worker’s, ‘Miss Kim’ Dean assumes, hold. But Alyvia does watch as they leave the room.

Once Cas leaves the room, she seems to have to stop for a moment to gather herself. Dean realizes that it is just as hard for Cas to leave Alyvia as it is for Alyvia to be separated from her mother.

“You ok?” Dean asks as he watches Cas pinch the bridge of her nose; as if she was trying to push down emotions that were much stronger than just dropping off her baby at daycare. But when Cas opened her eyes, they are defiant.

“I’m fine.” Cas says with a little more force than necessary. “I just don’t like leaving Alyvia at daycare. She doesn’t like to be away from me for too long.”

Cas stares at the door to the room they had just left with a look that can only be described as longing, before quietly saying: “At least today she wasn’t crying when I left. Normally, she screams like a banshee when I leave her.”

Something in Cas’s tone was like a punch to Dean’s gut. He felt guilty that Cas had to leave her baby at all. Dean knows that if Cas and Alyvia were in the bunker: Cas wouldn’t have to leave Alyvia at daycare, she wouldn’t have to endure hearing her baby’s cries at being separated from her; Cas wouldn’t have to work so hard just to keep her tiny apartment with its worn, secondhand furniture and bare cabinets.

Last night he had consoled himself by thinking he had caught Cas between grocery runs, that she had been working, and studying, too hard to stock up on food for herself. But now the little voice at the back of his mind is suddenly arguing otherwise. And those cards in the drawer, from caseworkers: did they mean that CPS was monitoring Cas to see if she was an unfit parent? Or were they people that had been helping Cas get her life together?

Suddenly all the things that Cas possibly had gone through weighed heavily on his mind. All the arguments he had had with himself as to why it had been for the best to force Cas from the bunker and then all the times, he had convinced himself to not try to check up on her felt like stab wounds to the heart. 

He knows that he wouldn’t be able to leave her behind again, or at least not without knowing everything that Cas has endured. But the hallway of Alyvia’s daycare isn’t the place to question Cas about her past, especially since everyone that works at the daycare knows Cas as Kiera Porter. And one thing Dean doesn’t want to do is damage the life Cas has built here.

“Still need a ride to work, Kiera?” Dean asks, remembering to call Cas by her alias.

Cas seems surprised that Dean would call her by her assumed name, but she does nod and walks with him out to the Impala. But when she gets to the car, Cas seems to hesitate as if she doesn’t know whether or not to trust Dean to take her to her job. But it doesn’t last as she eventually does get in the car.

Dean follows her directions to the hospital on the east side of the city. Once Dean sees the hospital, he is impressed that Cas actually has a job working there. Cas directs him to the general entrance where she says she needs to go in.

As Dean parks near the entrance, Cas begins to grab the backpack that is sitting on the floorboard next to her leg.

“You got a minute, Cas?” Dean asks as he shifts the car into park. Cas actually checks the watch on her wrist.

“I guess so. I don’t have to clock in until 7.”

“I know you said that you didn’t want an apology because I don’t know what you’ve been through. And you’re right, I don’t know. But I do want to know. I want to know so I can try to understand what you’ve been through and I can try to apologize for what I did.”

“No, you don’t want to know.” Cas says

“Yeah, I do.” Dean insists. “I care about you, Cas.”

Dean’s declaration seemed to cause Cas to snap and what seems like a million emotions come flooding to the surface.

“You really want to know?” Cas says bitterly. “Where should I begin? How about how I had to walk for miles in the heat with no shelter, or how about every homeless shelter I did get to were either full or for men only. And when restrooms are for customers only, it makes it really hard to deal with morning sickness; especially since I was suffering from Hyperemesis gravidarum. And that’s a problem when the only thing I could reliably have in my stomach was water. I found out I was pregnant when I passed out at a gas station from dehydration and exhaustion; and a nurse who happened to be there, couldn’t ignore me. She got me to a hospital and the doctor ordered a pregnancy test. That nurse saved my, and Alyvia’s, lives. Should I tell you about being in the hospital for two weeks recovering? Or how shocked I was when the doctor told me that I was pregnant. Or how a caseworker came in to talk to me about ‘my options’ for my pregnancy until I got so upset that one of the nurses physically removed the caseworker from the room.” Cas pauses to swipe angrily at her eyes. 

And Dean feels physically ill at what Cas is revealing, as he can tell that as angry as Cas is; she is only revealing select pieces of information. And Dean is sure that it is just a drop in the bucket of hits Cas had taken.

“After I was released from the hospital, another caseworker helped me get settled into the women and children’s center. There I began taking classes to begin making a life for me and Alyvia. I decided then that I wanted to become a nurse.” Cas seems to run out of steam, and Dean wants to say something. But before he can get his voice to work, Cas quietly says:

“I know you’d probably look down on how I’ve taken help; but what was I supposed to do. I lived in a transitional suite at the center until a subsided apartment became available. I-I’ve been raising Alyvia on my own for almost six months. I might have failed at being an angel, I might even have failed in many ways of being human. But I will not fail in being a good mother.”

“I know you won’t, Cas.” Dean says. “I really am sorry for what you’ve been through. You can come back-” But before Dean can say anything more, Cas checks her watch again.

“I have to go.” She says as she grabs her bag and gets out of the Impala and makes her way towards the hospital without a glance back.

Dean waits for who knows how long after Cas enters the hospital. His mind keeps replaying what Cas had said: She had Alyvia six months ago. His brain keeps doing the math and it keeps leading him to the same conclusion: Cas had to have been pregnant when she left the bunker. She had lied to him last night when she claimed that Alyvia wasn’t his.

As Dean drives back to the motel, he strengthens his resolve to do whatever he can to get Cas to forgive him and come back to the bunker. But first, he and Sam have a monster to track down and kill. Little did he know that the monster is stalking it’s next victim.


	6. Chapter 6

On the way back to the motel, Dean stops at the local Denny’s to get breakfast for him and Sam. As he does so, Dean has to push down the guilt as he wonders if Cas had been able to eat breakfast this morning. He is just about to get out of the Impala to go inside and place his takeout order when his cell phone rings.

Pulling the phone out of his pocket, Dean sees that it is Sam calling. Accepting the call, Dean doesn’t even have a chance to say anything before Sam’s voice comes over the tiny speaker.

“Dean, I just got a call from Cas. She said that Jennifer and Alexander Calvin were admitted to the hospital this morning. They’re alive, but Cas says that they are both in a coma. She sounded worried about this; she says the Svengali is deviating from its normal pattern.”

“I’ll come back to the room to pick you up and then we’ll go to the hospital to see what we can find out there,” Dean says as he starts the motor on the Impala. So much for breakfast. 

Leaving the parking lot, Dean navigates the city streets to get back to their motel room. When Dean arrives at the motel, Sam must have been waiting for him as the door opens as soon as Dean parks in the space in front of the door.

Dean gets out of the car and goes into the room. Sam has his ‘FBI’ suit on and is getting his shoes on. Dean’s suit is on his bed. Dean begins to change into his suit and tie. Sam sits on his bed and it is clear that he wants to ask about what he had done this morning, and last night. Sam knows that Dean does feel bad about what had happened.

“So, how’d it go this morning?” Sam asks to break the silence.

“Cas doesn’t want to hear an apology. Every time I try to say something to her, she keeps running off.” Dean says as he buttons up his shirt. “I even told her that she could come back to the bunker and as soon as I said it, she bolted. I’m mean she’d rather stay here and struggle than go back with us.”

“Can you really blame her?” Sam asks; causing Dean to look up from his shoelaces that he is currently tying. When Dean doesn’t answer, Sam continues:

“She’s had to work really hard to get where she is while supporting a baby. And looking at things from Cas’s perspective: she’s probably worried that if she did come back to the bunker, what would happen if you get angry with her again; or for some reason decide to kick her out again?”

“You know why I had no choice to do it, Sammy?” Dean interrupts. 

“I know why you did it, but does she? The point is to Cas, it was done to her once: it could happen again? Would she have to rebuild her life again? And what about her baby?”

“What about Alyvia?” Dean asks. He’s defensive in a way Sam wasn’t fully expecting. 

“Is she yours?” Sam asks bluntly. Dean had never told Sam about having sex with Cas, but the way Sam asks, tells Dean that Sam strongly suspects that Alyvia is Dean’s daughter.

“Cas says she’s not. But I'm not sure I believe that and there is a chance that she is.”

“If Cas did admit that Alyvia is yours, what would you do?”

“I’d take them back to the bunker. But even if Alyvia isn’t mine, I want her and Cas to come back.”

“But Cas isn’t interested in coming back to the bunker.” Sam points out. “And we can’t force her to go.”

“I know that,” Dean says. “Doesn’t mean I like it.”

“Didn’t say you had to, but we need to respect Cas’s decisions. We owe her at least that.” Sam says as he finishes concealing his weapons. Dean doesn’t respond to that as he too conceals his weapons under his suit.

Together, the brothers go out to the Impala to head to the hospital. As they drive through the city Sam could tell by Dean’s brooding silence that something is bothering him.

“Want to talk about it?” Sam asks. He fully expects Dean to refuse to talk as usual, so Sam is surprised that Dean does talk.

“Cas told me some of what she’s been through since she had to leave the bunker. It wasn’t pretty. I mean, she had nearly died because she passed out from being so weak from the morning sickness, exhaustion, and lack of food and water. She said that she is probably only alive because a nurse saw her at the gas station where she had passed out at and got her help…” Dean pauses as the lump in his throat threatens to choke him. Sam tries to think of something to say, but before he could: Dean presses on.

“It was when she was in the hospital, that Cas learned that she was pregnant. And a social worker came and tried to pressure her into having an abortion. Another social worker helped her get in a women and children's shelter. There, she was able to start building a life for herself. She was living in a ‘transitional suite' at the shelter until she was able to get an apartment. She was still living there when she gave birth to Alyvia.”

While Sam had known that Cas had not been in her apartment for long, he doesn’t feel like now would be a good time to mention that Cas had been possibly living at the shelter until about six weeks ago. Before either brother could say anything more, the hospital where Cas works comes into view. Sam is definitely impressed by the size of the hospital and the fact that Cas is working there.

“Cas works here?” Sam asks as Dean turns the Impala into the parking lot of the hospital. 

“This is where she had me drop her off this morning,” Dean replies as he parks in the ER parking lot.

The brothers get out of the Impala and head inside the Hospital. Once they enter the ER waiting room, they approach the desk where a secretary is working.

“Can I help you?” The secretary asks as she looks up from the computer that she is working on.

“We are investigating the Calvin disappearance. We have questions for them and their doctors.” Sam said as he flashed his FBI badge.

“Jennifer is having some test run right now. But Alexander is in room 18, we’re getting ready to move him upstairs to the PICU; you might be able to speak to his doctors.” The secretary says as she looks up the information on the computer.

“Thank you,” Dean says as the brothers turn towards the doors to go to the ER examination rooms.

The lady at the desk must have activated a switch to unlock the doors to the Emergency rooms; as they hear the lock click as they approach the door.

They wind their way around the nurses’ station to find the room the secretary had said to go to. When they entered the examination room where four-year-old AJ Calvin is, they are only mildly surprised to find Cas there. She is at the computer cart making notations on what Dean assumes is the little boy’s medical records. 

“Hey, Kiera.” Sam said remembering to use Cas’s alias. “I thought you worked in the pediatric unit?”

“I was sent down to supervise his transfer to the pediatric ICU,” Cas explained as she clicks off of the computer and tears a slip of paper from a monitor behind the bed. She then makes an adjustment to the IV bag that is currently putting medication into AJ’s tiny arm. The little boy is dressed in a hospital gown that has dinosaurs on it; he appears to be sleeping peacefully.

“So, anything you can tell us about what happened to them?’ Dean asks as watches Cas work on getting AJ ready to move upstairs. He’d be lying if he didn’t say that he is impressed at Cas’s acquired Nursing skills.

“Not much from a medical standpoint. But these marks on the neck…” Cas adjusts the neck of the hospital gown revealing two swollen bumps that look like mosquito bites. “The Svengali had been feeding off him. It isn’t normal that the Svengali would let release it’s victims, especially if it has begun feeding off them.”

“Do you know if Jennifer has those mark too? Is there anything that you can tell us about where the Svengali might have been keeping them?” Sam asks as he studies the marks on the little boy’s neck.

“I don’t know; I’m not part of her care team. As far as where the Svengali was keeping them, there isn’t anything that I can tell.” Cas answers as she continues her work. She is currently checking a valve on the wall behind the bed then checks something under the bed. She then disconnects the tube from the valve to move it to what must be an oxygen tank under the bed.

“I’m sorry I can’t tell you more,” Cas says, and she looks upset that she couldn’t be of more help.

“It’s ok. What you have told us is more than enough.” Dean assures her. But instead of making Cas feel better, it just makes her defiant.

“I do need to get AJ moved upstairs. The care team upstairs has gotten a room set up for him.” Cas says as she kicks the wheel lock on the bed. She moved to the end of the bed and begins to wheel the bed out of the room. 

As Cas pushes the bed out of the room and down the hall, Dean and Sam know they need to try to get a clue to what the Svengali’s next move is quick as they figure that the monster is going to try to find a new victim. Little did they know that the next victim is closer than they think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's short. But I've been battling writer's block on this story. Kudos and Comments are greatly appreciated to encourage me to keep working on this story.


	7. Chapter 7

The Winchester brothers left the hospital shortly after speaking to Jennifer Calvin’s doctors. Like her son, Jennifer appears to be in a coma; but unlike AJ, who was spotlessly clean, Jennifer had some kind of substance all over her. The doctors are baffled by what had caused Jennifer and Alexander’s comatose states, or what the substance is the Jennifer is covered in.

They go upstairs to the ward where Cas is working, intent on asking her about the substance that Jennifer is covered in. But they find that she is working on her rounds and decide not to bother her, as there wouldn’t be a good excuse as to why Cas should know them or information about the Svengali without suspicion being cast on her.

They need to start scoping out places that the Svengali’s lair could be. Following Cas’s suggestions for where to look, they immediately began to look for any abandoned warehouse or factory-type buildings. They find that on the east side of the city there are many possible locations that fit that description.

As Sam drives from one location to another, Dean finds his mind wandering to Cas and what she had revealed to him this morning. Dean had researched what Cas had meant by that she had suffered from Hyperemesis gravidarum during her pregnancy. Dean had a feeling that Cas had used the medical term to deliberately throw him off as to what she had meant. It had almost worked, as Dean had to look upon his phone exactly what Cas had meant. She had suffered severe and/or prolonged morning sickness during her pregnancy.

Dean couldn’t imagine what Cas had gone through: being severely sick and trying to survive life on the street; with no comfort. She had said the only reliable source of sustenance she had had was water. Probably from public drinking fountains and from people who couldn’t turn down a homeless, pregnant woman’s request for the basic human need.

As they drive down the street, Dean notices the city bus driving down the other side of the street. Not for the first time, Dean wonders just how exactly Cas got to Indiana, much less Lafayette. It wasn’t as if Cas had a vehicle, she rides the bus to work. Dean is pulled from his thoughts by Sam's voice calling out to him.

“Dude, I've asked you about ten times if you’re ok? You’ve been off all morning.” Sam asks as he parks in front of the next location to search.

“I’m fine.” Dean forces out as he gets out of the Impala.

Breaking into the abandoned building was shockingly easy. And once inside, they are convinced that they have found the right place. Inside is pools of blood and some kind of ooze that neither brother can identify but know well enough to avoid it.

Coming into the main room, the brothers find what could only be described as altars. One is covered in blood like some sort of sacrifice had been slaughtered on it. The other is covered in the same goo that they found earlier. The altars also have shackles attached to them.

Dean is searching the room for any sign of the Svengali when he notices something on the wall that causes is blood to run cold. There are a series of photographs tacked to the wall.

The first is of Jennifer Calvin that has been circled, then X-ed out. Others are of different women Dean can’t identify, but the one that catches Dean’s attention is one that has a circle drawn on it is a photograph of Cas. Dean didn’t need to speculate on the photos, to determine that the Svengali is targeting Cas.

“The Svengali is going after Cas. We have to get to her now.” Dean says as he turns around to go back to the Impala. 

They race back to the hospital as fast as possible. As they drive through the city, Sam attempts to call the phone number Cas had called from numerous times to try to warn her. But every time it goes to a generic voicemail message that doesn’t even indicate that it is even Cas’s phone. 

When they get to the hospital, both Sam and Dean get out and practically run to the hospital. It takes a few minutes to find the stairwell to go upstairs. But once they do, they run up the stairs to the second floor. They slow down once they reach the second floor as they don’t want to set off any warning signs for anyone working on the floor.

When they approach the nurse’s desk, they notice that one of the nurses is the same woman who had dropped of Alyvia at Cas’s apartment yesterday. She must be a friend that Cas had made working at the hospital; as Dean knows Cas doesn’t trust Alyvia to anyone.

“Can I help you?” The nurse, who Dean noted was named Megan, said as she looked up from her work.

“We’re looking for Kiera. Is she around?” Dean asked.

Megan seemed to be suspicious of them. But then surprisingly, she said: “She just clocked out for her lunch break. She normally eats at the tables outside of the cafeteria downstairs.”

“Thank you,” Dean said as he and Sam turn to head back to the stairs.

They reach the cafeteria and with a sinking feeling, Dean realizes that Cas isn’t there. When they step out of the cafeteria onto the patio area that has a number of outdoor tables. 

But again, Cas isn’t out there. Instead, they find a black backpack that matches the one that Dean had seen Cas with earlier. On the table are an open medical textbook and a familiar-looking notebook. Laying next to the book is a wrapped sandwich, a small bottle of water, and an apple. 

Seeing Cas’s belongings abandoned on the table and knowing that she wouldn’t willingly leave them unattended just solidifies the feeling Dean had in the pit of his stomach.

“We’re too late. The Svengali got her.”

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the chapter is short. But Kudos and Comments are the best way to get me to post faster ;-)


	8. Chapter 8

‘It is too late. Cas is gone.’ Those thoughts keep running through Dean’s mind as stares at Cas’s belongings that she had left behind. It is hard for Dean to get his body into action. 

Part of him is hoping that this is Cas’s idea of a sick joke and that she will appear from her hiding spot any moment to reveal that she is, in fact, ok and had received Sam’s message and decided to prank them. Or maybe she would return to her table any minute, having gone to the restroom and not aware that they are looking for her.

Sam is the first one to walk over to where Cas’s belongings are sitting. At the table, Sam notices the same slimy substance that they had found in the Svengali’s lair and on Jennifer when she had been found.

“What is this stuff?” Sam wonders, seeing that the slime is right behind where Cas would have been sitting.

“Who knows. But we need to get back to the Lair before the Svengali begins feeding on Cas.” Dean says finally snapping into action.

It seems like Dean’s word is all Sam needs to snap back into action. He turns to head back to the Impala; hoping to get to Cas before it’s too late. But before leaving, Dean quickly gathers Cas’s books and shoves them into Cas’s backpack. He knows that Cas will want her belongings once they get her back.

Returning to the Impala, Sam and Dean race across the city as fast as they can. Pulling up outside the building that they had found the lair in earlier; the brothers quickly check to make sure that they have their weapons ready.

As quietly as possible the brothers make their way inside the building. They pause, out of sight, when the main room comes into view. 

There is something lying on the ‘slime’ altar. As Dean looks harder, he realizes that it’s Cas. And she’s not moving, doesn’t even appear to be breathing.

The figure hovering over Cas come into view and Dean almost reels back in shock.

‘Great, we’re dealing with Jabba the hut’ Dean thinks to himself as he takes in what is obviously the true form of the Svengali.

Before they could make a move to try to attack the Svengali, a force knocks both Sam and Dean off their feet and sends them flying into walls. Dean’s head makes hard contact with the wall, knocking him out cold.

When Dean came to, he found that he was spread out on the second altar; his arms shackled above his head. He tried to look around the room, but before he could the slimy hand of the Svengali clasped around his neck like a vice.

“So the fearsome Dean Winchester came to join dinner time. I must say I expected this to be much harder. But I didn’t realize sweet little Kiera here was your Angel.”

“If you hurt her, I will fucking kill you.” Dean spits out

“I haven’t hurt her. In fact, I gave her what she wanted; it was you who have hurt her. Made it easy for me to subdue her. She will live out a lifetime in her dream, while I feed off her essence. Her soul can be addicting, as it tastes like heaven.” The Svengali says with a maniacal laugh.

“I’ve never hurt her.” Dean redoubles his efforts to get free from the shackles. He hasn’t seen Sam and he wonders just what the Svengali has done to him. But before Dean can do much in his effort to get free, the Svengali’s hand is back on his throat.

“Oh No? Let me show you.” The Svengali said in a tone that could be described as condescending as it raised its other hand towards Dean’s head.

It was like a mind-meld. As soon the Svengali’s other hand made contact with his head, Dean is hit with a barrage of images and sensations that it doesn’t just knock the air from his lungs, it squeezed his chest like a vice.

Suddenly, it was as if he was in Cas’s place as he was seeing their one night together from Cas’s perspective. He then saw the next morning when Dean had told Cas that she had to leave the bunker. There was a wide range of emotions that ran through Cas as she left the bunker: Confusion, despair, sadness, anger… the list went on. It felt like they were going to crush Dean under their weight.

He then experienced what Cas did as she walked from town to town trying to find shelter. He could feel the heat of summer days, the rain from sudden storms, and the coldness of nights huddling under whatever shelter she could find without even a blanket for warmth.

He could feel the shame and humiliation when Cas allowed men to use her body in exchange for money for her next meal or a ride to wherever she could get. More than once the arrangement had gone badly, resulting in what could only be called a gang rape.

He felt the worse hunger pains he had ever experienced in his life as Cas went days upon days without a proper meal.

He could feel the depression when several shelters turned her away because they were for men only or the battered women’s shelters needed room for an abused wife. Forcing her back to the streets when she was suffering from severe morning sickness, even though she didn’t know what it was, and getting weaker by the day.

She had no support or comfort for who knows how long during her pregnancy. At a time when she needed rest and care, she had been forced to fend for herself and her unborn child on the streets.

She had passed out in a gas station bathroom from dehydration and malnutrition, and while who knows how many women had passed by her, thinking that she was a drug addict, but that kind nurse had found her and got her help. When she had gotten out of the hospital, she had been ordered to be on bed rest due to still being so weak and ill. But with no one to care for her, that wasn’t a realistic option.

Dean saw the moment when the caseworker had come to inform Cas of her ‘options’. This caseworker had described in graphic detail the process of an abortion. To the point that Cas was physically ill and shaking hearing about it. The caseworker had then told Cas of the benefits of adoption. And how the baby would grow up in a “loving and caring” home. It had been implied several times that Cas would fail at being a mother due to both her homelessness and unmarried status.

Dean experiences the many nights Cas had cried herself to sleep from the fear of her own and her baby’s futures. Cas had been naïve enough to fear that the caseworkers would simply come for her one night and have an abortion performed against her will. And after Alyvia was born, Cas didn’t sleep for what seemed like weeks, out of fear that Alyvia wouldn’t be in her tiny bed when Cas woke up. 

Dean then felt the pain Cas had experienced when giving birth to Alyvia. She had given birth alone. She hadn’t had anyone to wipe the sweat from her brow or hold her hand with words of support and love through the hours of contractions and finally the birth itself.

Suddenly a blinding light jerked Dean from the images, he comes to enough to make out a battle being fought a few feet away from the altar. Dean expects it to be Sam fighting the Svengali, but as his vision clears, he notices that the other figure is much too short to be Sam.

The Svengali crumbles to the ground with a screech so loud Dean thought his ears might be bleeding., A light-emitting around the blade protruding from its heart. Standing over the Svengali is Cas. She is covered in Svengali slime and blood, but she is very much awake and alive. At that moment she looks like the avenging angel again.

“Cas?” Dean manages to say feeling ill from vertigo from both the images and by being ripped out of them.

Cas turned and after a few moments, she walks over to the altar and begins to undo the shackles around Dean’s wrists. 

“Don’t try to move too much. You have a head injury.” Cas says as she unscrews the bolt that holds the shackle together.

“Do you know where Sam is?” Dean asks as watches Cas work on the shackles. He becomes more aware of the pain in his head and realizes that Cas is right that he does have a head injury. 

“He’s over by the wall. He also has a head injury.” Cas says. She finishes getting Dean’s arms loose from the altar and moves over to check on Sam. Dean sits up and begins to work on getting the shackles off his legs. As Cas tends to Sam, a groan from him informs Dean that Sam is waking up. 

“How is he?” Dean asks as he manages to get to his feet. He carefully made his way over to where Cas and Sam are.

“You both at least have concussions. You should be checked out by a doctor.” Cas says as continues to tend to Sam. 

“Are you ok?” Dean asks Cas as he tries to check Cas over for any injuries that she might be hiding.

“I’m fine. But we need to get you and Sam to the hospital.”

“We’ll be fine Cas,” Sam says as he comes to enough to get to his feet.

Cas seems to want to argue but seems to decide against it.

“Fine. But you’re coming back to my apartment so I can keep an eye on you. Concussions can be dangerous, and I want to make sure you’re both ok.” Cas says and her tone meant that there’d be no argument.

Cas has to support both brothers as they head to the Impala. Getting Sam settled in the backseat and Dean in the passenger seat. She had to fight Dean for the keys to the Impala to drive back to her apartment.


	9. Chapter 9

When they arrive back at Cas’s apartment, the brothers had recovered enough to get out of the Impala and upstairs mostly on their own. Although Cas subtly helps them keep their balance as they climb the stairs to go up to Cas’s apartment. 

Once they get inside, Cas directs them to the couch. She then sits down in front of Sam first and produces a penlight; which she uses to check Sam’s pupil response. Then she then pulls a pen from her pocket.

“Keep your eyes on the pen.” Cas orders before moving the pen in various directions to check Sam’s eye movement. She must be satisfied as she moves on to Dean. 

“I’m fine Cas…” Dean tries to argue. But Cas isn’t having any of it. 

“Stop being a child and let me check you out or I’m taking you to the hospital.” Cas threatens. 

Dean allows Cas to do her examination of his eye response, then she gets up from the coffee table and moves over to the kitchen area of the apartment. She rummages through the cabinets for a few minutes before she returns with a couple of glasses of water and a bottle of painkillers. 

“I need to make some phone calls and take a shower. So, make sure each other stays awake.” Cas say as she walks towards the back of the apartment. But she pauses in the kitchen and fishes a flip phone from a pocket of her backpack. She then goes to, presumably the bathroom, at the back of the apartment. 

“Is it just me or is she more pissy than normal?” Dean asks sarcastically as he dumps some painkillers into his hand. 

Sam, wisely, decides not to answer that question as he accepts the bottle of painkillers and instead says: 

“So, what happened after the Svengali knocked me out?” 

“Cas killed the Svengali.”

“I thought she said that the only way to end the coma is to kill the Svengali?” Sam ponders as he takes the pills.

“That’s what Cas said. Maybe the Svengali hadn’t done its thing yet.” Dean suggests.

“Maybe. But it still doesn’t make sense that she wasn’t fighting when we got there, then able to not only fight it but kill the Svengali.”

“Dude, I don’t know. But what I do know is that my head is killing me.” Dean says as he leans back on the couch. 

Turning on the small television. Dean finds that Cas has a movie streaming service. Scrolling through the selections, Dean realized that Dr. Sexy is in Cas’s queue. So, knowing Cas might back him up in watching it, Dean starts an episode at near-random. Sam’s head must be hurting as he makes no comment about the show and instead picks up one of the books that Cas had sitting on the table and begins to flip through it. 

Soon Cas emerged from the bathroom, she had on a robe and is toweling at her hair. 

“Everything ok? Are you going to get in trouble for not being at work?” Dean asks noting something in Cas’s expression. 

“I called a coworker and explained that I had to leave work suddenly. I’ll get points. But since this is the first time, I won’t get in trouble. But I do need to get ready to go pick up Alyvia.” Cas explains as she goes into the bedroom and begins to pull out clothing from the small dresser. 

“I can take you to go pick her.” Dean offers as he gets up from the couch. 

“No, that’s fine. I need to stop at the store and get some milk as well.” 

“Even more reason for me to take you. The bus isn’t going to wait for you to get the milk.” 

Cas seems like she wants to say something else but decides against it. She gives Sam strict orders to follow while they are gone for his head injury. Sam wisely doesn’t say that he and Dean both know what to do for head injuries, as Cas seems determined to nurse both of them. 

After Cas gets dressed, they set out to go pick up Alyvia. As they drive, Dean decides to try to get some answers out of Cas. 

“I thought you said that the only way to end the coma is to kill the Svengali?”

“I also said that the Svengali will choose a victim that isn’t likely to resist the fantasy world. If they are resistant, the victim can potentially let themselves out of it.”

“So, that’s how you were able to get out? You knew it wasn’t real.” Dean says. He feels like he is stating the obvious, but feeling like he needs to clarify what Cas said. Dean thinks that Cas has been speaking in riddles since he had found her. It was as if Cas seemed to want to deliberately throw him off balance by not giving him a straight answer. 

“Isn’t that what I just said? And it isn’t that the victim doesn’t know the fantasy isn’t real, it’s that they have to have a stronger desire to escape it.” 

“How much of what the Svengali showed me was real?” Dean also wanted to know. Scratch that, Dean NEEDED to know. Even though, he is out of the Svengali’s mind meld; things keep coming into his mind. 

“What did you see?” Cas’s voice is quiet, but she isn’t dodging the question, so Dean decides to press on.

“That you had been raped multiple times since you left the bunker. And even though your doctor had ordered bed rest, you were working at the shelter.” 

“I didn’t have a job then, so I had to ‘earn my keep’ by doing things at the shelter. I worked in the kitchen or in the pantry, making care bags for those that came to the shelter. It wasn’t hard work.” Cas said, seemingly ignoring the first part of what Dean had said. 

True it wouldn’t be hard work for someone under normal circumstances. But Dean knew, from Cas’s own perspective, that it was nearly too much for her every day. 

Before Dean can ask any more questions, they are pulling into the parking lot to Alyvia’s daycare center. Cas is surprised that Dean had remembered the way to Alyvia’s daycare. Dean stays in the car while Cas goes inside to pick Alyvia up. When Cas comes out, Dean gets out of the Impala to help Cas with the stroller as she gets Alyvia settled into the back seat of the Impala. 

Once Cas got back into the front seat, she gives Dean directions to the store that she wanted to go to. Soon Dean pulls up to a slightly run-down convenience store. When they get to the store, Cas seems to hesitate to leave Alyvia with Dean while she runs into the store. But eventually, Cas does pull a blue credit card looking card out of the backpack that Dean is learning doubled as Cas’s purse, and gets out of the car. 

Cas had no more than entered the convenience store when Alyvia began to fuss in the back seat. 

“What’s the matter, Alyvia? Your Mom’s just gone into the store. She’ll be back in a few minutes.” 

Alyvia seems to pause in her fussing, but not seeing where the voice speaking to her is coming from, began fussing again. 

Dean decides to get out and check to make sure that nothing is wrong with Alyvia. Sitting next to the car seat, Dean decides against trying to remove Alyvia from her car seat; instead, he gives Alyvia his finger to hold on to. Alyvia had stopped fussing and instead decides to stare at Dean in confusion. 

The expression is almost classic Cas and Dean can’t help but smile. However, as he really looks at the baby’s face for what is probably the first time. 

Perhaps Dean is going crazy, but as he focuses on Alyvia’s features that don’t resemble Cas, he can’t help but think that they resemble the members of the Winchester family. Her lips and the shape of her nose, they remind him of the reflection he saw when he looked into the mirror. And the shape of her eyes, while unmistakably Cas's blue, kinda reminds Dean of Sam’s. 

But before he could ponder it further, Dean is brought out of his musings by the sound of the passenger door opening. Cas is putting the jug of milk on the floorboard on the passenger side. 

“Is she ok?” Cas asks obviously concerned about her daughter. 

“Alyvia’s fine, Cas. She just got a little fussy.” Dean says as he gets back in the driver seat. 

“Do you need to go back to your motel room to get you and Sam a change of clothes?” Cas asks as Dean starts the car. 

“I probably should. I know I need a shower to get some of the Svengali’s goo off me.” Dean says as he steers the Impala towards the motel where Sam and Dean are staying. 

As he drives, Dean contemplates whether or not to broach the subject of what the Svengali had shown him again. But decides against it for now as Cas seems to relax for the first time since Dean had found her. But Dean knows that they will have to talk about everything soon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always please leave comments and/or Kudos to keep me inspired to keep writing this.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With the quarantine, I have time to write now. I'm going to predict that there are about 2 more chapters in this story. So thanks to everyone who has had the patience to stick with me through the infrequent updates.

When they get back to Cas’s apartment, Cas checks on Sam. Dean gives Sam his duffle so he could change out of his suit if he wanted to. She placed Alyvia in a baby swing in the kitchen area and seems to be going about beginning to cook supper. 

As she moves about her kitchen, Dean notes just how much her cooking skills had improved. Well maybe improved is the wrong word, as Dean honestly didn’t know if Cas even had any ability in the kitchen before the fall. 

  
“Is it ok if I take a quick shower?” Dean asks. 

  
“Sure. The bathroom’s over there. Towels are in the closet.” Cas says as she points toward the bathroom door with the spatula that she is using to turn the ground beef that she’s cooking. 

  
Dean follows Cas’s direction and enters the small bathroom. He opens the door to the closet in the bathroom and finds the towels stacked neatly on the shelves. Dean grabs a washcloth and a towel before stripping down and stepping into the bathtub. It takes Dean a couple of moments to figure out how Cas’s shower works and how to get the temperature just right. He takes his time washing, making sure that he gets all the remnants of the Svengali’s lair off him before he turns off the water and steps out of the tub. 

  
Dean dresses in some comfortable clothes. Before he leaves the bathroom, Dean finds the bottle of bathtub cleaner that Cas had in the closet with the towels and sprays down the tub, making sure to clean up any remaining Svengali goo from the tub so Cas won’t have to later. 

  
Exiting the bathroom, Dean finds that Sam had changed into a pair of sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt. He is sitting on the couch watching some movie on TV and eating what looks to be tacos. 

  
“Supper is on the stove,” Cas says as he comes into the main room of the apartment. She is sitting on a barstool in front of Alyvia’s highchair, where she is feeding the baby some pureed baby food. 

  
Dean notices that Cas has a paper plate in a holder sitting next to the pan that has the meat in it and the makings of tacos on the counter. Dean makes up his plate and pours himself a glass of the generic soda that Cas has in her refrigerator. Dean then joins Sam on the couch to eat the dinner Cas made. 

  
As he eats, Dean keeps glancing over at Alyvia, trying to see if he can see if there is any further resemblance between Alyvia and himself. He noticed that Alyvia seemed to have his ability to eat, as it seemed like every time that Cas is getting the next spoonful, Alyvia smacks her lips and babbles to Cas. 

  
“She’s a good eater,” Dean comments as he watches Alyvia eat another spoonful of the applesauce-looking mush. 

  
“Always has been. Alyvia is just starting to eat solids. She seems to like the baby food, especially the fruit.” Cas explains as she finishes feeding Alyvia. When Alyvia finishes the baby food, Cas sits the bowl and spoon on the counter beside her and reaches for a box of wipes on the counter. Cas cleans the food that is around Alyvia’s mouth before cleaning Alyvia’s tiny hands. Cas is gentle but efficient in her actions that spoke of her experience in the mothering the infant. 

  
At that moment, Dean realizes just how much Cas has changed, grown really. As an angel, Cas had been awkward; not really fitting into human culture. But now, Cas is at ease caring for an infant. She can cook and does her own grocery shopping. She is working in a hospital and is going to nursing school. 

  
After getting Alyvia cleaned up, Cas gets Alyvia out of her highchair and goes into the kitchen area of the apartment and begins to try to plate her dinner with the baby on her hip. Dean gets up from the couch and goes over to Cas. 

  
“I can watch her while you eat your dinner.” Dean offers as he watches Cas struggle to get her food on her plate. Cas seems reluctant for a moment before she allows Dean to take Alyvia from her. Dean is aware that Sam is watching him as he held the baby. 

  
Alyvia looks between Cas and Dean as if deciding if she was going to be ok with one of these strange men holding her as her mother eats her dinner. But soon, Alyvia seems to decide that Dean is ok; and begins exploring his face with her tiny hands. When her fingers get near his mouth, Dean pretends to munch on her fingers; causing Alyvia to giggle. 

  
After Cas gets her dinner plated, she goes over to a closet next to the door and gets a camp chair out of it that she sets up near the coffee table, as Dean and Sam are occupying the couch. 

  
As Cas eats, Dean entertains Alyvia by bouncing her on his legs and commenting on the show they are watching on tv. Dean will claim that Alyvia agrees with him on what they watch next. Surprisingly, Cas allows Dean to keep Alyvia on his lap as they settle into a companionable evening. Sam asks Cas about her classes, and Dean can detect the pride in Cas’s voice as explains that her grades are among the top of her classes. Cas tells them that she is preparing to take her final exams and how much longer does she have to go to school before she graduates. 

  
Eventually, Cas gathers Alyvia up and takes her to the bathroom. The brothers can hear water running before hearing Alyvia babble and splash the water as Cas must be giving Alyvia a bath. Soon, Cas emerged from the bathroom carrying Alyvia who is wrapped in a towel, the distinctive scent of baby wash following them as they walked through the living room. 

  
Cas takes the baby into the bedroom and gets Alyvia ready for bed. Dean can hear Cas reading a book to Alyvia. He gets up from the couch and looks into the bedroom to see Cas sitting on the bed with Alyvia on her lap as she reads a child’s book. Alyvia is in a pink and white sleeper and has a pacifier in her mouth as her eyes are beginning to droop. 

  
Cas looks up when she senses his presence in the doorway, but she doesn’t break in reading the book. Before Cas could reach the end of the book, Alyvia is asleep. She tries to get up but is clearly hindered by Alyvia. Dean comes up and offers to take Alyvia. Cas allows him to take the baby; so, she could get up.   
When she gets up, Cas takes the baby from Dean and moves to the crib a few feet from the bed. She gently places the sleeping infant in the crib. When Alyvia is laid down, Cas wraps the blanket around her daughter. Alyvia is deeply asleep as the only movement from the baby is the rise and fall of her chest and the occasional bobbing of the pacifier in her mouth. 

  
“Cas, can we talk?” Dean asks. 

  
Cas seemed to know what Dean wants to talk about and it is obvious that she doesn’t want to talk to him. But the moment passes, and surprisingly Cas says: “Ok.”  
They go outside on to the balcony overlooking the entryway to the apartment. Cas stands at the railing, not just refusing to make eye contact, but refusing to even look at Dean. 

  
“Cas, I want the truth. Is Alyvia mine?” 

  
“What are your intentions if I said that she is?” Cas asks. She is still refusing to give Dean a straight answer, which Dean is beginning to suspect is an indication that Dean is correct in his suspicions and Cas doesn’t want to confirm it. 

  
“Dammit Cas, I want to do what’s right here. I want to know if I have a kid or not. I want to help you in any way I can. Making you leave the bunker was the worst thing I’ve ever done. But I also know that no number of apologies can ever make up for what you’ve been through. I want you and Alyvia to come back home, but I understand why you don’t want to.”

  
“Do you?” Cas interrupts, and for the first time really looks at him. And Dean can see so many emotions in the blue depths of Cas’s eyes that he can’t even begin to name them all.

  
“Yeah, I do. You’re afraid that if you go back to the bunker, that you can be kicked out again. But I need to explain why I did it. When Sam was sick from the trials, I tricked him into allowing an angel named Gadreel to possess him to heal him.”

  
“Gadreel?” Cas’s voice rises in disbelief, but Dean continues.

  
“Yeah. When you arrived at the bunker, Gadreel said if you didn’t leave then he would leave Sam to die. I do not try to justify what I did. But I do wish that you could find it in you to forgive me. And I want to tell you how proud I am of everything that you’ve accomplished, raising a baby and becoming a nurse. I’d like you to come back, but if you don’t: I respect your decision. But just tell me: is Alyvia mine?”

  
“Yes. She is.” Cas quietly admits. “I mean as far as I know. Timing says that she is. So, now that I’ve told you; will you try to take Alyvia from me?”

  
“Why would I do that?” Dean asks, surprised that Cas would think that he would consider taking Alyvia away from Cas. 

  
“Because I struggle to take care of us. I have to rely on daycare and sitters because I work long hours at times. I was living in a shelter when Alyvia was born and have accepted help in getting and keeping this apartment.” Cas explains as if it was the most obvious answer. the 'You think I'm a bad parent' goes without saying. And Dean wonders what had happened to Cas to put those ideas into her head.

  
“Cas, you’re a good mother. I can tell that Alyvia is everything to you and I wouldn’t dream of taking Alyvia from you. But I do want to be Alyvia’s dad. I want to be able to spend time with her and help you with anything I can. If you don’t want me in your life for you, because you’re still angry with me, I understand; but please let me be in your life for Alyvia.” 

  
“And how would you do that if you’re 700 miles away?” Cas asks, and Dean isn’t sure what Cas is wanting by her question. But Dean decides to put all his cards on the table. 

  
“If you don’t want to come back to the bunker, I’ll stay in Lafayette with you,” Dean says. Cas is obviously surprised by Dean’s statement as she looks at him with wide eyes.

  
“You don’t mean that,” Cas says when it seems to regain her ability to speak from the shock of Dean’s declaration. 

  
“Yeah, I do Cas. I’m serious about being there for you and Alyvia. If you want to stay here and be a nurse, I’ll stay here with you, call you Keira and take care of our daughter until I find a job. Then, we can eventually get our own place; have a yard where Alyvia can play, and you can have a garden.” 

  
“Don’t do this, Dean. Don’t make promises that you have no intention of keeping.”

  
“But I do mean them.” 

  
“And what if Sam wants to go back to the bunker? Would you be able to live your life without him?” It's a punch to the gut in the way Cas says it, and Dean had to admit that she did have a point. But Dean presses on.

  
“Yeah. If that is what Sam wants, I can let him go back to the bunker.” 

  
“But you wouldn’t be happy.” 

  
“I’d be happy if I was with you and Alyvia,” Dean says with conviction. “I put Sam’s life before yours once, I don’t want to let you go again.” 

  
Cas is again avoiding eye contact, and Dean is unsure what to make of it. But the next thing that Cas says shatters any hope that Dean might have.

  
“You need to go, Dean. I can’t do this; I don’t want to be hurt again when you decide that you want something else besides Alyvia and I. And I will not allow Alyvia to be hurt. Ever.” Cas says before she turns and goes back inside her apartment. 

  
Dean follows to gather his things and get Sam. He said he’d respect Cas’s decisions and he’ll stand by that; even if it feels like a knife not only pierced his heart but slowly shedding it into small pieces. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think of this story by leaving Comments or Kudos as they help inspire me to keep writing this story


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